Plums, plums, plums <---I like plums

Some say I have no patience.
Others say I'm high-maintenance.


I don't really care...


Speaking to H-chan again <--not saying her name.
Pretty damn happy tbh, I missed her a lot.

We just randomnly started talking again...
I hope it lasts :-p

Decided to maybe do a Dōjinshi,
either on my exagerated, daily hijinks or somethign else.

Maybe a "fabulous" romance ;-)

Who knows, suppose I'll just see where the mood takes me...


Thinkin' of dying my hair plum...
Maybe some blonde highlights?

Ewww clingy

I think, someone in my art class needs to watch this :P

Hmm

Hmmm...
Interesting choice of seats...

Who the hell came up with that?

Meh,
Could be interesting.

Could be a disaster...
A very big disaster...

Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

x

Quote of the day
Mrs Grindall - "Robert, you need to be more erect"

Work Work

You wanna get with me,
But I've got much better taste than that,
You wanna get with me,
But you aint never gonna hit that.

Think you're a playa',
And I'm you're flavour,
You aint my saviour,
You're such a clown.

Boy don't you do me wrong,
Cause you are not that strong,
And if you mess with me,
You will soon taste defeat.

You got yours baby,
And now it's the end,
So don't go blaming me,
You've got no defence,
I didn't deserve,
To be treated like that,
Got strength in reserve, now,
And my friends got my back.

So don't you go,
Saying I'm wrong,
Cause that would just be a big waste of your time.
There's no point,
In holding on,
You and me both know that'd be a waste of our time.

All you ever told me -
The only thing you told me -
You never told me nothing but - lies

No more listening,
No more lies,
It's time to put myself first.

You'd think by now, because I've seen it all,
That my heart should be indestructible,
But being with you has made it impossible,
Cause underneath it all, I'm still vulnerable.

Goodbye my love - we said we'd be together until the end
Goodbye my love - we said we'd last forever but now we end
Say sayonara, astalavista, aurevoir;
it's time to say goodbye.

Maybe I should aim lower

Been thinking a lot about the future...
I'm really starting to notice a lot of cracks in my plans...

And a lot of misfocusing...

Y'see the majority of my plans are either very difficult,
or just quite unlikely/requiring of a lot of good luck.

But, for you're entertainment (lol) I've decided to list
all of the things I've wanted to be, since high-school time.

x

I think everyone knows I wanted to be a singer once.
My main problem being I get stage-fright in a major way.

Then, I wanted to be an actor...
But I've realized Britain doesn't do my kind of TV much.

I'd only ever want to be an actor in a sitcom, or plain comedy.

Then I decided I was going to be a manga artist,
Unfortunately I then realized how much work those people do...

No thank you :-D

So by around fourth year my main focus became a little bit clearer...
I wanted to be a singer-songwriter, or just a plain songwriter...

Maybe entering a few competitions, or selling my lyrics - wasn't sure.
I would've loved to enter the Glinsk Song Contest to be honest...

But then.. and sort of now... I had an urge to be a model.

How vain and unrealistic is that? :-P

But, I dunno... I have to admit I would love to be able to model,
not really sure if I'd have a chance though... or even how to start...

Oh well, I've got plenty of time to work it out and/or change my mind

:-D

But yeah... I think I could be a singer-songwriter...
I mean, I know I'm just as good as all the others...

But I suppose, why would I deserve to make it any more than them?

Maybe I should aim a little lower?

Woah... long

--------------------------------------------------------

Go, go, go,
It's time to make a move and we both know,
It's time to step it up a notch,
I'm ready to lose touch,
Baby boy,

This is the crossing at the main intersection,
Up is where we go from here,
Finest selection,
This could take us anywhere,
I don't want protection,
Life is better off the line...

;-)

--------------------------------------------------------

Decided to go on a diet for the dance,
But I'm not doing very well to be honest...

Keep going to the chinese for my lunch :-P

"whoops"

--------------------------------------------------------

Kinda pissed of to be honest, but it looks like I'll be wearing a
kilt to the dance. Spent so much money on christmas presen-
-ts that there was no way I could afford to buy/rent a tux :-(

Kinda confused about the seating arrangements as well

From what I've gathered;

REBEKKA
FIOONA - CHAN
JEMA - CHAN
AMANDA - CHAN
EIMI - CHAN

Will be on my table, but I don't know who else...
or even if that's right... (it's what Fioona-chan said)

--------------------------------------------------------

Been looking around all the blogs I'm following...
Someone really needs to read a good dictionary,
'cause she doesn't know the difference between
borrowing and bothering

Seriously, Rinjii-san, get a dictionary

Baka :-P

I, on the other hand, have no need for dictionaries.
Reason being; my spelling is absolutely brilliant...

and I have a spellchecker ;-)

The wonders of technology, eh?

--------------------------------------------------------

I really need to learn how to play guitar.

Really, really need to...

--------------------------------------------------------

15 days to go until X'mas!

Banzaii!!!

Pretty sure this is gonna be a good christmas,
getting tonnes of DVDs, CDs - and hopefully clothes

And, finally, Chichi and Gibo are getting me an I-Pod :-)
It's a bit embarassing I didn't have one already tbh...
(wanted a white one, but I'm getting a silver one instead)

And, also...

I'm getting Momiji!
Lots and lots of wonderful Momiji 8-)

Not a dork at all...

--------------------------------------------------------

Just found out about the school pantomine last week lol
Why did nobody tell me about it?

I mean, I understand ARISON-san's comment...

'Yes Robert, obviously we should've all shouted "Hey Robert
did you hear about the play!?" but sadly we just forgot to...'

But still, how was I supposed to know?
Lauren said she was being a fairy in it...

What kind of twisted Hansel & Gretel is this!?

:-S

Apparently, this is the original version, and
all the ones I've heard are just 'plain wrong'...

But seriously, what the hell?

--------------------------------------------------------

Still, apparently I'm a little rusty on my Hansel & Gretel lore...

My take on it was this;

1. Two little children are abandoned in the woods, by their alchoholic father, while the mother's out <--what a lovely chap, eh?
2. A nice old lady finds them (aww) and takes them into her home; givign them clothes, giving them food and lets them stay the night.
   
3. The two little children kill the nice old lady, mutilate her bodyby burning it in a furnace and then they take over her house, rent-free
   

So... where am I going wrong exactly?

--------------------------------------------------------

Kind of hoping someone might ask me to go, as a sort of date.
Not someone in general... I have a certain person in mind :-P

Not sure if he has any idea...

Maybe I'm being a bit too subtle these days...

--------------------------------------------------------

And my final message for the day, is this...
I got my "japanese name" from a website today, just for fun :-P

黒川 Kurokawa (black river) 紫呉 Shigure (giving violet)

Kurokawa Shigure, which is fair enough...
But I like Robaato-chan better :-D

///

--------------------------------------------------------

Bugger

Made an attempt at sexy the other day

A certain person was looking at me so I gave him a quick smile,
and then walked towards him to give him more definite flirting.

Next thing I know I only just stop myself from falling over,
having only just recovered from tripping over Rebekka-chan.

Not v.sexy

Have to say, that was the first opening I've had
If I miss the next one I'll fucking hang myself...


And by the way, for any of my aunt's who are reading this;
I'm being saracastic! I'm not fucking suicidal!!!

Or Anorexic, for that matter!!

Or anything else!

Looking forward to seeing you all at Christmas ;-)

7 things I hate about you

You'll know that this is all about you
Cause it's 'bout the stupid stuff you do

I hate the fact that...

1. You spent almost all of the morning shaving your legs
   
2. When you spent ages in front of the mirror, you were doing nothing
3. When you kissd me, half the time it was just 'cause you were bored
4. You said "where do you think this is going" just to start conversation
5. You spoke about your ballet like it meant you were cool
6. The only magazines you ever read were meant for girls
7. No matter how much I hated you, I kept on loving you as well
   

Ay ya ya

The next time we hang out
I will redeem myself
My heart can't wait till then
I can't wait to see you again

...

Apologies for my last blog lol, I was in a bad mood.

I spent the whole day enquiring about a guy I liked,
Only to find 5 people thought he was gay; and 5 didn't..

So you can imagine the mental chafing I've had :L

And speaking of which the rumours are true :)
well, one of the rumours are anyway. Not sure bout the rest :P

Not gonna dignify the gossip by addressing it fully,
but for those in the know - it's true. I do ;)

(ay ya ya)

But seriously... why the hell do you even care? :S

Metrosexuals are the bane of society

Mine, anyway.

I mean seriously, why the hell do they act/dress that way?
I'm pretty damn sure girls aren't that into it, and it just confuses gays tbh.

I mean, call me what you will, but if a guy wears makeup,spends more than 30 mins on his hair, and spends lots of money on clothes - I assume he's gay.

But now that seems to be all the rage for straight guys

And it's all well and good for them, but it's bloody confusing for me!!!

I mean I fancy this guy, who's got this really feminine hair, wears makeup, has the most bestest clothes ever and knowing my bloody luck he'll be straight!!!

What is this world coming to I tell ya.

It seems that metrosexual = the new pink...

*grumble, grumble*

I feel the urge to watch disney movies :-/

But alas, I'm missing like half of mine :-(
So hopefully someone might let me borrow one?

Really, really wanna watch:

1. Alladin - Return of Jafar
2. Little Mermaid 2
3. Mulan 1 + 2
4. Emperor's New Groove
5. Peter Pan 2 - Return to Neverland
6. Lilo & Stich 1 + 3

Anyone who lets me borrow these will be forever loved :-P

Gimme!

<3

Ouch!

I really need a gym membership...

Decided to do some exercise last night - didn't go to well to be honest.
Bought this weird little £30 exercising tool from Tesco...

It ought to have a warning sign stuck on it -
"Beware: Keep away from young children, and stupid ones too"

Needless to say, I ended up hurting myself lol =P

It was this weird stretchy thing that you roll on the floor,
but instead of doing what it was meant to, and just sliding
itself backwards - it decided to shoot itself backwards, so
I fell forward, it came backwards and it met my face with
a fair amount if force; and I know have a cut/bruise on my
chin, which I very much hope isn't going to turn into a scar

So, yeah... have decided to never excercise in the "safety"
of my own house again. It's either the gym or nowhere at all.


Wonder how much the swimming pool/gym membership costs?

Any ideas people?

Given up on giving up

--------------------------------------------------------

Have given up giving up...

Lol.

Have decided not to give on my EP, I'm just changing my focus.
Gonna work on my lyrics more, and less so on the recordings themselves.

--------------------------------------------------------

Have got tonnes of homework to do...
But to be honest if homework was all I did I'd die.

So I'm keeping my energies all over the place.

Anyway, here is what was produced from my last session...
With a little help from my friends ;)

--------------------------------------------------------

Exposure
Prelude
Bet your sweet ass, I'm gonna be famous - yeah

(ready, set, go)
I'm getting ready now
(lettin' you know)
I'm gonna tell ya how

Verse 1
I'm writing songs, all day/night long - a simple fact
I'm waiting for a chart-topper for my comeback

I'm just so sick of making sweet music
On my own, cause then I just lose it
Wanna colaberate
Yeah that's the way to do it

Walking down the carpet, camera's flashing
Interviewers all try'n to cash in
On an album that's been smashin'
Tellin' them music my passion

Bridge
Peek-a-boo, I see you
Ent'ring charts 'bove number two
I'm workin on, my master plan
C'mon catch me if you can

Chorus
I'm needing some exposure
All round the world and over
I want the world, down on their knees
Not try'n to screw me over

Want some exposure
Need some exposure
Don't wanna get naked down the street
But I'm wantin' some exposure

Post-chorus
Buy my album please
(ha ha ha-a-ah)
A few more sales are all I need
(ha ha ha-a-ah

Verse 2
I need it more than ever now
And It's getting harder to get
I'm gonna need some publicity
Make it harder for them to forget

Settling down now, getting cosy
Modelling and making poses
Camera's flashing - keep in focus
So the magazine cover aint bogus

Bridge

Chorus

--------------------------------------------------------

Pure Satisfaction
Prelude
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *2

Verse 1
Have you been waitin for me as you sit there all alone
Waiting for a ruler, sitting there on your throne
Well I'm new and improved, and saying "happy to be here"
I'm a legend, they know all about me

Bridge 1
'cause they're like the paparazzi, and I'm a celebrity
I'm not being arrogant, but they all wanna piece of me
'cause they're like the paparazzi, and I'm a celebrity
Better get me on my good side, take you're pick (left or right)

Chorus
Strike a pose *3 (Pure-Sat-Is)
Strike a pose *3 (Fac-Sheei-On)

Verse 2
Gonna give you what you want, so you better go prepare
When I'm served up on a plate there will be no need to share
Boy it's not that unusual, we've all got freaky tendencies
I'm a legend, cat'ring to your special needs

Bridge 2
'cause you're like a civilian, and I am you're superhere-a
I'm not being arrogant, but you're likin' what you here-a
'cause you're like a civilian, and I am you're superhere-a
Gimme a quick kiss on the cheek, take you're pick (left or right)

Chorus *2

--------------------------------------------------------

You're a clown (I'm the ringmaster)
Verse 1
It's a party
And you've just been invited
Heatin' up now
Bet you're gettin' all excited

It's time to get all dressed up
Hide behind all of the best stuff
Join in the parade
The big charade, baby

Baby you
Have been all down in your luck
Now it's time
A good excuse to run all amok

People say that I'm a sucker
But they're all just stupid f*kers
I know you
Baby you - baby

Bridge
It's the circus
You're the clown
Turn the smiles
All into frowns

Ooh, ooh, ooh *2

Boy you're so pathetic
I can deal with you, don't sweat it - baby

Chorus
You wanna get with me
But I've got much better taste than that
You wana get with me
But you aint never gonna hit that

Post-chorus
Think you're a playa'
And I'm you're flavour
You aint my saviour
You're such a clown

Chorus

Post-chorus

Verse 2
A superstar?
Boy, somebody's been misleadin'
Casanova?
In your mind I'm barely breathin'

Maybe you've had one too many
Too think that I'd be your baby
Outta luck
Stupid drunk - baby

Baby you're
A very obsessive companion
Too bad for you
Cause you will never be my champion

Say it any way you wanted
Do what you do, work it flaunt it
Photographs
To make me laugh - baby

Bridge
It's the circus
You're the clown
Turn the smiles
All into frowns

Ooh, ooh, ooh *2

Boy you're so pathetic
I can deal with you, don't sweat it - baby

Chorus
You wanna get with me
But I've got much better taste than that
You wanna get with me
But you aint never gonna hit that

Post-chorus 2
You beg to date me
You'll never make me
You're gonna hate me
You're such a clown

Chorus

Post-chorus 2

Aftermath
Maybe we could work out, if you weren't such a jerk?
But I'll guess we'll never find out
Cause I'm afraid, that you are -

Ooh, ooh, ohh

Bridge
It's the circus
You're the clown
Turn the smiles
All into frowns

Ooh, ooh, ooh *2

Boy you're so pathetic
I can deal with you, don't sweat it - baby

Chorus
You wanna get with me
But I've got much better taste than that
You wanna get with me
But you aint never gonna hit that

Post-chorus 2
I'm a firecracker
I'm such a b*stard
I'm the ringmaster
And you're a clown

Chorus

Post-chorus 2

Aftermath

--------------------------------------------------------

You can't seriously believe it?
Verse 1
I've been sexually aware since I first hit fifteen
Don't mean I've been actin' on it - if you know what I mean
Still they all go round saying things bout public toilets down the street
I mean, what the hell? You can't seriously believe it?

Verse 2
I'm just one of those people, that drama always seems to follow
Yeah I know I'm taking classes but I don't see how I'm hollow
What with all the condradictions out there, how can you -
Seriously believe it? You can't seriously believe it?

Chorus
They say I've done it this way and that
You can't seriously believe it?
One day I'm anorexic then too fat
You can't seriously believe it?

They're calling me a spastic then a nerd
You can't seriously believe it?
Spreadin so many lies, I bet you've all heard
You can't seriously believe it?

Verse 3
Getting called up by people all sayin' I'm a fag
But I'm not the one who's smokin', that one would be my dad
And that could be taken the wrong way - yeah that'd be bad
But you won't seriously believe it, you can't seriously believe it.

Verse 4
It's hardly the first the time, I've been called a poof before
So why do you think, it's gonna hurt me to the core?
I mean at least say somethin' offensive, yeah call me a whore
If you seriously believe it - bet you seriously believe it.

Chorus

Bridge
They're saying I'm just a virgin
They saying that I'm a slut
I'll admit that I am vergin'
But I aint saying on what

They all pointin' and starin
Cause they say I'm too thin
But If I was really caring
I'd have already give in

Verse 5
Yeah they're all calling me a dork, though I'm failing my tests
Then they're all pointing out that I am far from the best
Well duh of course I'm not, I've already confessed
But you won't seriously believe it, you can't seriously believe it.

Chorus

You can't seriously believe it?
I bet you seriosuly believe it...

--------------------------------------------------------

So, yeah... that was that then.

I would like to thank the 2 people I collaborated with...
But they'd rather I didn't =P

Still, don't blame me for all the profanities and crazy words
After all they're only 33.33333333333333334% my fault...

--------------------------------------------------------

The end is nigh

--------------------------------------------------------

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Most beautiful song ever...

--------------------------------------------------------

Kinda sucks to be honest :-/
So much school work going on I've had to admit it...

My project is going nowhere.


So I am officially burying "behind the scenes"
Might resurrect her some day, but for now she's officially dead.

Some people might know what I'm talking bout...
And then there'll be some who probably won't...

--------------------------------------------------------

Either way, here's a little excerpt.

Run that by me
Verse 1
You gave me a kiss on the back of the neck
And I gave you a kiss back on the lips
You left me thinking "what the heck?"
But I still put my hands on your hips
On my mobile you told me that you loved me
And stupid me replied with "why?"
Now stupid me feels quite dumbfounded
Wishing I could have just one more try

Bridge
If I'm gonna push my surf up
To meet that tidal wave
If I'm gonna find a way to climb up
And make a great escape
And if I'm gonna get the water
To soak all of your flowers
I'm gonna need a few more minutes
Or maybe a couple of hours

Chorus
Run that by me one more time? What was it you said again?
Run that by me one more time? What did I say back again?
Run that by me one more time? Cause back then I didn't know how
Run that by me one more time? Because I'm strong enough now

Verse 2
I didn't say I didn't cause I really didn't
Was cause I didn't know what else to say
You just said what you said when you said it
And I was so scared I needed to escape
The next day you go about denying
You 'pologize for saying how you felt
Then next thing I know again you're crying
Cause of the cards you've gone and dealt

Bridge

Chorus

Aftermath You got crushed, well never mind *2
You don't wanna know how I really fee
l You don't want an answer that's really real

Chorus

Waste of time
Verse 1
What did I do
To be treated so badly
By you
Is said something I said
Tell the truth
Cause I'm sick of the lies
And abuse
I've been wasting my time

Bridge
You got yours baby
And now it's the end
So don't go blaming me
You've got no defence
I didn't deserve
To be treated like that
Got strength in reserve, now
And my friends got my back

Chorus
So don't you go
Saying I'm wrong
Cause that would just be a big waste of your time
There's no point
In holding on
You and me both know that'd be a waste of our time

Verse 2
All in the past
So I bet you'll drag it on
Make it last
Cause it went away for you
Far too fast
Not soon enough for me
The spell you cast
Is over now I've been set free

Bridge
You got yours baby
And now it's the end
So don't go blaming me
You've got no defence
I didn't deserve
To be treated like that
Got strength in reserve, now
And my friends got my back

Chorus
So don't you go
Saying I'm wrong
Cause that would just be a big waste of your time
There's no point
In holding on
You and me both know that'd be a waste of our time

Bridge 2
All in all
I think I'm glad
When all things're are said and done
Set up for a fall
Guess it's kinda sad
Cause you just weren't the one

Chorus
So don't you go
Saying I'm wrong
Cause that would just be a big waste of your time
There's no point
In holding on
You and me both know that'd be a waste of our time


--------------------------------------------------------

The Christmas list has arrived!

I promised you guys a list and here it is ;-)

Cupcakes and Fruit!

Kawaii Purple Bunny!

OMG Pikachu!!!

OMG Another Pikachu!!!

Random Shizz (Stay away from the Chouchou)

Bags, Wallets & Notebooks!

Absolutely F*king Amazing XD

20 Japanese Gestures (Book)

F*king LOVE These Jeans!

Niko Niko Punch 3 - Face Bento Decoration (Near Bottom)

I Love Momiji Dolls!

Absolutely Anything From This Site!!!

Utada Hikaru - Heart Station

The Saturdays - Chasing Lights

Gackt - Diabolos

Final Fantasy 4 DS

Yokai Attack Japanese Monster Survial G (Book)

Chirstmas list

Getting into the christmas spirit methinks
With a red and green colour scheme. Very Christmasy ;-)

So, in the theme of Christmas...

I'm gonna do a blog on my christmas list!!!

x

Not doing it today, though... but look forward to it :-P

Reason

Somewhere before 2007

"2007"

It's endless.
It's restless.
It's drawn into the light.
It's colours,
are merging.
It's not black or white.

Love is all, and all is none
It's the same for everyone.
Everyone's meant for someone.
A precious cycle.

I'm stalling.
I'm falling.
But like liquid, I run.
I'm yearning.
I'm burning.
Drawn towards, the sun.

It feels like my love once was cursed
But now it's back I feel much worse.
I'm not able to put myself first.
Maybe I'm broken?

I feel you,
Inside me,
Not long till I am lost
I'm losing
It quietly
Not sure at, what cost

My body once was virgin white
Now I've been stained as red as wine.
In the end love won the fight.
Yet, I regret it.

Should I go back to where I came?
Should I put out my burning flame?
I wish I was a child once again...
Somewhere before 2007.

Think before you speak

Think before you speak

Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) teens experience homophobic remarks and harassment throughout the school day, creating an atmosphere where they feel disrespected, unwanted and unsafe. Homophobic remarks such as “that’s so gay” are the most commonly heard; these slurs are often unintentional and a common part of teens’ vernacular. Most do not recognize the consequences, but the casual use of this language often carries over into more overt harassment.

This campaign aims to raise awareness about the prevalence and consequences of anti-LGBT bias and behavior in America’s schools. Ultimately, the goal is to reduce and prevent the use of homophobic language in an effort to create a more positive environment for LGBT teens. The campaign also aims to reach adults, including school personnel and parents; their support of this message is crucial to the success of efforts to change behavior.

Seriously, say something original;

• That's so yesterday
• That's so supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
• That's so raunchy!
• That's so phat
• That's so fetch
• That's so awk-weird
• That's so stupendiliferous
• That's so uber stupid
• That's so rainbowlicious
• That's so discombobulated
• That's so pathetically pretentious
• That's so juxtaposed
• That's so full of sunshine goodness
• That's so whiggity-whack

The rate at which students use and hear negative language about lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) people is huge. Over half of all students report hearing homophobic remarks often at school.

The common use of anti-LGBT language is directly related to an even bigger problem – the bullying and harassment of LGBT students.

9 out of 10 LGBT students report being harassed at school in the last year. Over one-third of LGBT students have been physically assaulted at school because of their sexual orientation or gender identity/expression.

Such frequent harassment results in LGBT students being more likely than others to:

• Feel unsafe
• Miss school
• Receive lower grades
• Not attend college

Creating a safe environment for all students - LGBT and straight alike - begins with one simple act: thinking before you speak.

A lot of anti-LGBT language is said carelessly, and isn’t intended as negative or hurtful. Understand what you’re saying, and think about the potential consequences of the words you choose.

And, just for your further education...

gay - adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb, -adjective

1. having or showing a merry, lively mood : gay spirits; gay music.
2. bright ot showy: gay colours; gay ornaments
3. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season
4. licentious; dissipated; wanton: the baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies
   

http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/

That's soooo "girl wearing a skirt as a top"

Rantage

Whoot! New issue of NEO magazine's in!
And, naturally, I used my lunch money to buy it XD

Definetly loving their feature on Japanese recipes.
It helps support my obsession. =P

...thinking of subscribing to NEO, but I'm not sure.
It'd be cheaper in the long run, but at the same time I'd never be able to skip it
Which I sometimes do, when I don't have money to waste...

I hate being poor :-(

Did get a job application... but like everything else in my life I lost it.

Damn room's like the Bermuda-fucking-triangle...

It's possible it needs a bit of a tidy.
It's also very possible that it won't get it.

Chances are, my mother's gonna kill me when she sees how bad it is.
But, it's not like I'm ever in my bedroom these days anyway...

:-/

Grandmother's in hospital right now.

M.W's being really nice, unsuprisingly, but I just feel really bad about it.
I think he just feels sorry for me, it's almost annoying how nice he's being.
I just wish he's be petty, or spoilt, or angry or something...

Something to show that he's human, and that the past means something.
Cause it's like he can barely tell the difference...

And I mean, I'm glad it went the way it did, cause it's easy for me.
And now I can move on and not have to feel guilty, or upset at another failure,
but the way he's acting it's like it wasn't a failure because it wasn't anything.

But I mean, In the end it's all his fault.
Even though, he did it because he knew I was going to.
And even if it was self-defence, he doesn't have the right to complain.

Does he?

This blog ended up in a different place than it started out in...

Ugh, stop being a prat Michael.

I know you're reading this.

Hence the rantage...

Venting, but not unleashing

--------------------------------------------------------

Have to admit, my thoughts are really unfocused right now...
So many things going on, and off...

So I'm going to do blogs on each of my seperate anxieties and thoughts.
In a vague sense though... I wanna vent but I don't wanna unleash lol.

--------------------------------------------------------

M.W

Why do all good things come to an end?
Flames turn to dust?
Lovers turn to friends?

I think we both know that it's better off that way...

--------------------------------------------------------

There comes a time when all hope dies
A time when realism's realized
A time when you give up on unrealistic dreams
And learn to accept impossibilities

--------------------------------------------------------

Heaven's gates may be opening sooner than you think

--------------------------------------------------------

A mane of stubborn fire
A heart of dark desire

Feelings old and new
Waiting for you to make the next move...

--------------------------------------------------------

Not sure whether to be scared, worried or just confused
I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

Maybe everything will turn out right?

x

In this new world, material goods won't matter...

--------------------------------------------------------

Venus collides with Mars, romance written in the stars...

--------------------------------------------------------

God, I need to get some perspective...
My thoughts are all over the place :P

--------------------------------------------------------

Gackt - Vanilla

You're an honest moralist
You trace me with your pretty finger
I'm a pure terrorist
Your thoughts are rising like a revolution

A specialist bound by romance
You used your long fingernails on me
An egoist who wants to confirm love
I want to struggle on until I'm inside of you

You keep yourself at a distance
ah Before I lose myself

Is it okay to love, too?
In the shaking night
It's good as it is
More
Deeper
As those almost maddening lips I've gotten used to melt together
I am... your... vanilla

"...you're too affected"
You're cool like plastic
With hot looks like an ecologist,
those burning kisses are irritating

Your distorting face is
ah Please let me stay myself

Is it okay to love, too?
In the shaking night
It's good as it is
More
Faster
The almost painful wet lips are
there are no more words
You and I are not Burning love

ah If we welcome how many mornings
ah Will the nights probably stop
ah Scattered in the sky
ah White flowers surround us

Is it okay to love, too? In the shaking night
It's good as it is "I've seen a tail"
It's almost embarrassing
I've fallen for you
A crew sees crying knees,
I wanna need. Not betray!!

Is it okay to love, too? In the shaking night
It's good as it is
More
You are
As those almost maddening hips I've gotten used to melt together
You are... my... keeper.

Just as a warning...
The translation is a little bit lenient...

The song itself is a bit worse for content :P

Really quite bored

--------------------------------------------------------

God I'm really bored...

Was planning on writing a manga, and had a whle story and everything
But I've searched high and low and can't find any plain paper...

I mean my house if full of the damn stuff usually!

So, now, I have given up on my idea.
Wouldn't be able to scan it in

Oh well...

Got a job application fro Tesco's this morning :-)
Not exactly my dream job... but at least it's money.

And they have no standards so I'm practically guaranteed to get a job!

--------------------------------------------------------

And a great big "lol" for yesterday

Poor, poor Arekusandaa-kun...

He did a live blog.
Which may or not have been completely taken over by sexual predators...

Who may or may not have been sent there by me...

x

I'm sure he'll forgive me one day.
Didn't help that one guy kept asking wether he wanted to be his "baby" XD.

Oh well, serves him right for asking me to watch him... what'd he expect?

--------------------------------------------------------

And I've made a good plan for next halloween!
Well... a mediocre plan.

Preparation, preparation, preparation.

Got to make sure my costume is made really early, like a month beforehand.
And I've got to actually make plans, instead of waiting for them to be made.

--------------------------------------------------------

Halloween/All Hallows Eve/Samhain

--------------------------------------------------------

From the minute that you walked right through the door
Thoughts were racing in my mind "time to explore".

Tunnel vision, I got you locked into my sight
On a mission for "position" by the end of the night

I'm a dime, and you're so on the money...

--------------------------------------------------------

So...

Got Miso for 80p at Tesco's XD
Though I checked that section already but I missed it.

Went to the fire station's "haunted house" thing tonight...
Is it weird that I thought one of the guys in costume was hot? XD

Well, it matters not.

x

What matters is that next Halloween is better than this one.
'Cause it was very boring to be blunt.

Not quite sure how I'll make it funner than this one... but I will.


Even if I have to resort to cross-dressing to get my "yaya".
Not that I usually get "yaya" from it, but it's gotta be good for a laugh XD.

I shall dress up as Sailor Venus and prance around the street!!!
Until I get beaten up and have to go home...

...

This is probably the first sign of transvestism isn't it?

--------------------------------------------------------

Japanese cooking

Been trying a bit of japanese cooking
Been doing damn well too :-)

But I've noticed that vodka/white wine aren't suitable substitutes for saki...

If only I could convince my parents to buy me some saki, then my japanese cooking would be perfect! (They'd probz just think I'm an alchoholic though)

Won't get my hopes up though.

And on another topic... where the fuck can I get miso from?

Cause I looked in the shops I get all my other stuff but I couldn't find it...
Not sure if that's because they don't sell it or because I'm incompetent...

♫

Song of the moment
Utada Hikaru - Devil Inside

X-Japan

Mwahahahaha!!!

X-Japan have a UK site now!

And even though they're only talking about a Paris show... the fact that they have a UK site means that a UK tour/show may just be on the horizon :)

That make me happy x

Chances are I won't be able to afford the tickets, and even If I do I probably won't be able to get a lft up there lol. So I hope they make a dvd of it... Those last ones were all well and good but I'm hoping they make one of the Paris concert. That would be pretty damn awesome.

Big-time life decisions to make...

♥

What should I do with my hair?
I think my three ideas right now are...

I could dye it blonde (proffesionaly and expensively) and just keep on straightening as per usual. But that'll end up damaging my follicles XD.

Could just keep up my, very costly, use of red temporary dye (red... not ginger), but that just means Okaasan (<--haha) will make fun of me :'(

Or I could leave my hair alone for a while and get japanese straightening for like £160-£180. But I'll have to wait for ages, and save all my money.

Kawaii!!! ♥

So many choices...

♥

OMG sudden realisation?!

♥

I think I've finally worked out why I only ever find guys outside my area.
And why when I do find a good guy, he ups and leaves town.

I used to think it was me, but...

"Is there something wrong with you?" I would say to myself when I was all alone, and then I'd check for the hair on my palms afterwards.

Therefore proofing my crazyness...

But then, I had me a little thinkle, and came to my conclusion...




It's fucking Thurso!!!

Blame Thurso, always blame Thurso...
(I am soooo moving out when I get a chance)

♥

Ode to my firsts

最初 恋
Wish you weren't

最初接吻
Wish you weren't

"最初"
Glad you were...

最初日付
now that was akward

最初大きい恋
I wish...

精神仲間
I could be so good for you

最初愛
We all make mistakes...

♥
Loving you madly
Obsessed with your face
But I know that, sadly
You've got better taste
♥

♫

There's someone

He's not the one before, he's not the one now and he probably won't be the next one.
But he's past, present and future...


If soulmates exist I really believe he's mine.

Not that I have a chance...




Unless "Hitsuzen" has a different plan for us...

♫

L'arc-En-Ciel - Butterfly's Sleep

Eyes delicate like a young girl's, gone transparent
Pale white skin that's never been defiled
A dress which dances like a butterfly

Even if your secret wishes are never brought to fruition,
in the season when one wishes for eternity,
the lord of the dark discreetly hides his shadow crooked gears

I don't care if the world is reduced to ash
I don't care if they scramble around grabbing at everything

Your eyes will never again be graced with visions of a beauftiful dawn,
even if you tie your life up in a bundle and offer it

Please rise from the dead on earth with my last kiss

I don't care if the world is reduced to ash
I don't care if they scramble around grabbing at everything
No matter what wish is made, only sadness comes of it

Forevermore I'll quietly watch that sleeping face
until the gentle wind which tempts us to sleep surrounds me

This love will extend beyond time
I'll make it bloom before you
living endless nights and mornings
in a land where no one's hand may reach

Let the rain fall down

♫

Rain's kinda romantic...
Sometimes, when it's raining, I just like to switch the lights off and listen to the sound.

♫

Passion

♥

Passion is a powerful thing.
It's one of the most powerful emotions around.

Passion isn't just about love however, as you may believe.

"Passion (from the Latin patior, meaning to suffer or to endure) is an emotion of feeling very strongly about a person. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything. Passion often applies to an eager interest in a proposal, cause, activity or love."

That's the dictionary definition of it anyway...

Passion is a feeling of excitement, enthusiasm and compelling emotion towards a subject, idea, person, or object. Passion gives us strength and motivation, but we have to be careful.Passion is the source of our finest moments - our great loves and ecstasies - but it also has a dark side. It is the foundation for our darkest emotions; hatred, jealousy and grief.

Passion lies in all of us. Waiting, and although unbidden, it will stir. Open it's mouth and scream. It is constantly speaking to us, guiding us. It rules us all, and we obey. We haven't really got a choice in the matter...

It can cause us more pain than we can stand. If we could stop our passions we might finally have some semblance of peace in our lives. But if it wasn't in our lives we would be empty. We would walk in a hollow world, with no joy or sadness. If we had no passion, we wouldn't be alive.

♥

Fuck it

♥

Y'know what?

Fuck it.



I was too good for him anyway.

♥

♥

Relapsed.

Soooo not what I was needing...

♥

Feeling kinda stoned

♫

It kinda feel's strange.
I mean it's not the first time y'know?

I've been completely abandoned like this before, so you'd think I'd have gotten use to it, and be completely over it by now. And yet I am and I'm not... I feel complete apathy towards him most of the time, but then every now and again I just completely let myself get pulled in again...

And then I try to move on and I think I am.
But then I notice something...

I don't feel anything. Barely a tingle. I mean, I try so hard to feel something, but I'm barely phased. It's like nothing could possibly compare to the beautiful disaster I just went through.

If you think of it like a natural disaster, it's like being hit by a tsunami. You're completely and utterly devastated. And then you're hit by a normal-sized wave, but you barely notice because you're too busy dealing with the aftermath of what came before it.

So... is that my problem?
Am I too busy dealing with all my emotional debris?

Or am I turning into stone?

A lot of people have been telling me these past few weeks that I've become a lot more mature. So is that what growing up entails? For us to become adults to we have to lose our emotions and become harder? Because it makes sense. I mean, we feel all this emotion as teenagers, and then adults go to us and say "you're too young to understand your feelings". But is it just me or do they really mean "You're too young and have too many feelings".

Cause after all I've been through, whether I'm a drama queen or not, I really think I'm losing my emotion. I mean I've been feeling less depressed lately, which is a good thing, but at the same time, I haven't felt ecstatically happy or completely lovestruck in absolutely ages.

Maybe I'm just growing up.

♫