My Crazy Dream (In Script Form)

My Crazy Dream (In Script Form)

I wake up in my room. It's really dark and I go to switch on the light - but can't find it. The lights eventually go on by themselves and the walls are bare. I decide I should probably be going somewhere, so I go to ththrough the door in my room that leads to the hallway.

Instead of being in the hallway, however, I find myself In a giant bathroom - which has been flooded with bubbly water - and I can see Michael in the bath, juggling with some soap.

Me - God, Michael. We can't have sex - you don't have any condoms.
Michael - Don't worry Robert, we can just use this soap.

So... the business starts... but then suddenly Michael turns into glass and shatters into lots of pieces, and of course; I'm totally freaked out. So I run through the door I came in through.

Of course, I'm not back in my room, I find myself in the middle of a big forest, and I encounter Fiona. Who is a tiny little fairy and is flying around me - waving her arms at me emphatically.

Fiona - What are you doing? You shouldn't be here, don't you know it's looking for you?
Robert - What's looking for me?
Fiona - It's looking for you, and if it finds you, it's going to hurt you.
Robert - Well, what should I do then? I'm not quite sure where I'm going... and these doors don't seem to be behaving like proper doors should be.
Fiona - All you needed to do was use the other door and youd've been safe... but it's too late for that now.
Robert - So where should I go? If somethings here shoudn't I go hide?
Fiona - No, no - it's very simple Robert. All you need to do is -

She continues to speak but no sound comes out. Eventually I walk off bored, with Fiona still chasing after me - trying to tell me something. I keep wakign until suddenly I know I'm beign chased, and I turn around to see trees moving, and a shadow. I keep running and tunning until suddenly I'm no longer in a forest, but running through red curtains. I turn around and I can hear some noise, so I open the curtains a little and see a play being performed on the high school stage, with Alison, Iona and Lynsay on stage. There are real trees behind them and they're dressed in Spaceman costumes, and I'm watching from audience point of view.

Iona - Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Alison - That's the wrong play, this is Macbeth.
Lynsay - No, it's the right play... but out Romeo's not here.
Iona - He'd too busy being chased. He'd never remember his lines anyway.
Alison - So who's going to be our Romeo then?
Iona - Not Robert anyway, he's being chased. And if he doesn't remember to *mute* it's going to catch him. And if it catches him it's going to hurt him.

Suddenly the curtains start shuffling, and I realise I'm ebign chased so I start running again. I find a dorr and I keep pulling but it won't open. I pulle and pull, and then just as I get the feelign it's about to catch kme I realize I need to push, and so I throw the door wide open and fall flat on my face in sutherlands chemist. Amy is standing there, and lookign down on my rolling her eyes. She picks me up and then she dusts me off.

Amy - Honestly, you took ages. I've been waiting for hours. Now, Robert, you're being chased -
Robert - Yes, I know, I need someone to help me... but everyoen seems to be unusual unhelpful.
Amy - That's because they're not themselves... but it doesn't matter - you need to help me.
Robert - Are you ebign chased too? We can escape together.
Amy - No, no. Don't be silly. I just need you to help me pick the right makeup, it's a matter of life or death.

So, we look around for makeup and then Amy goes into a conveniently placed changing room. A moment later she come out, looking just like Jessica Alba - but speaking with her own voice.

Amy - What'dyou think?
Robert - No, I don't think it suits you...

So she goes back in and then comes out as Mrs. Gunn. She does a little spin and then asks again.

Amy - What'dyou think?
Robert - Yes! that's it! It's soo you.

So she points to a sign saying "go through this door here", and then rolls her eyes at me. I go through the door and end up at Victoria Beckham's house (don't ask... just don't)

Victoria - Ah, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you.
Robert - Huh? What d'you mean?
Victoria - You stole my dress and I want it back. I know you wish you were me but you've got to get over it Melanie, you're not posh spice... you're sporty spice.

She grabs me and spins me around, taking off my clothes and revealing a green shirt and tracksuit bottoms. She then sits down and takes a carrot, and starts chewing on it like a rabbit.

Victoria - There you go, that's much more realistic. I know you want to be an actor, but you're taking it a bit far these days.

Suddenly a huge shadowy monster jumps on me, and starts clawing my clothes off - revealing what I was wearing in the first place. Blood is going everywhere but I remain unwounded.

Victoria - Err... Melanie... try not to get any blood on the carpet.

The monster suddenly vanished but I remain struggling on the ground for a moment before I realise this. I get up, and look around - discovering Victoria Beckham's no longer there, and then go through a door. I fall forward as I realize there's no floor and I keep falling for quite a while. David Beckham is following me, miming something, but then shouts "I forgot my diet!" And becomes Homer Simpson. He starts falling faster, and I find a door and rush through.

I find myself in the middle of a desert, and I can see someone walking towards me. She gets closer and closer until I can see Michaela, followed closely by a panther - which she pets. I start building a sandcastle, and Michaela starts speaking to me, in a distant voice.

Michaela - I knew I'd find you. I've been looking for you for years now.
Robert - Do you know where my friends are? I think I'm looking for them... but I don't know where they are...
Michaela - Of course not. That's why you're here.
Robert - Wait, are you the one who was chasing me?
Michaela - Yes.
Robert - Michaela?
Michaela - No, I was borrowed. I speak in it's place.

She starts to stroek the panther, which looks at me, and it's eyes glow for a second.

Michaela - Someone has to give it a voice.
Robert - What is it. What are you?
Michaela - I am a primal.
Robert - Why have you been chasing me? Have I been bad?
Michaela - I've come to tell you, that you're going to lose it all. Unless you choose.
Robert - Unless I choose?
Michaela - They'll all abandon you. You're going to die alone unless you make a choice.

I start building a sandcastle, and pretty much ignoring her.

Michaela - So, will you make a choice?
Robert - Yeah. I choose to build a sandcastle. Do you want to live with me?
Michaela - You're asking the wrong questions...
Robert - No. No, I'm not. You can't live with me in my castle.
Michaela - You will not have the kingdom you desire.

Robert - No... probably not.

The sandcastle is now, much bigger, and I open the door (somehow made out of wood)

Robert - But either way, you can't live with me in my castle.