クラッシュ

--------------------------------------------------------

I feel your whispers creep across my skin
White lies, and I see the end start to begin

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Sometimes I wish things were different.

I mean, how did I get into this place?

I don't really have anything in common with any of my friends
And to be honest... I'm really starting to feel like I don't fit in...

I've felt like this before,
but I just don't know...

I think the prelims somehow just got me thinking.

But it's not like it's just paranoia,
I know I don't fit in any more...

And it's not their fault, it's mine.

But it's like, I'll be talking about something;
something I like, or just feel strongly about,
and I can just see everyone staring at me...

Just thinking "yeah... nod and smile"

And I guess, I just wonder how why I have no one to relate to...

I just have all of these hobbies, and thoughts, and dreams;
and lately I'm feeling more and more like I can't express them.

And it's not that I'm ungrateful, cause I love them all,
I guess I just wish I had people I could be myself with.

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クラッシュ

クラッシュ

クラッシュ

--------------------------------------------------------

So it all comes down to this...

Do I want something easy, or hard?

1. Just take hairdressing the easy, simple option
2. Take music, record a demo, attempt a career
3. Try modelling, see how far it doesn't take me

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Sometimes I wish it was all easy.

I wish I could go up to someone, and say how I felt,
without ending up acting completely embarrassed.

I wish I could go up to someone I'd never met,
instead of having to go through a whole crazy system,
that just ends up leading to dead-ends and upset...


Bleh.

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Ballet-fu!

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I want my hair red...
I don't like the purple any more...

Urgh!!

Can I dye over permanent dye?

...or will that make my hair go a bit weird?

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Watch you walk away, no talking
Back on my own so shocking, guess it was all just a dream
If we tried we coulda made it, but now our love's just fadin'
My dreams are now all changing
And that damn thing, destiny
Looks like it got the best of me

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Y'know, it's really sad of me; but I still think I fancy my クラッシュ

Think I've given up hope of actually ever speaking to him though
And all things considered I probably shouldn't really dwell on it...

And yet,
I still really, really fancy him.

And it actually, really annoying.

--------------------------------------------------------

Urgh...

Music?
Hairdressing?
Modeling?
Manga Artist?
Ballet!?

I really don't know any more lol...

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Bored,
and rather conflicted in the head...

Urgh...

--------------------------------------------------------

C'est la vie

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English close reading.

39 1/2 out of 50
2nd highest in the class :-)

Better than Riamu-san anyway :-P

...not that I'm petty or anything.

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God, seriously!!

Now that I'm not interested...
I've been creeped on by two guys in one day!!!

And they weren't even subtle... -_-'


And, seriously... who winks anymore?


Mind you, one of them was cute...

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I don't know what's right and what's real any more
I don't know how I'm meant to feel any more
And When do you think that it will all become clear?
Cause now I'm being taken over by the fear

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So I think I'm leaving THS next year for college.
But I'm not sure what course I'm going to take...

Not really sure how the college even works tbh lol.

There are two courses I want to take,
it'd be cool if I could take both part-time...

But if there's like a high-school-esque system,
where you could take more than one subject,
then tbh I think I'd prefer doing that instead.

But if not; I rly wanna take Music and Hairdressing part-time

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I

FUCKING

LOVE THIS THING!

Already watched the entire series though...
They only finished abridging 30 of the episodes...

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I could say

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Wow.

That was... different :-P

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Hair's purple now :-)

Wasn't sure about it... wanted to dye it red...
But then I got pushed in the right direction...

Definetly better than I thought it was going to be actually,
I thought I was gonna look like a really tacky anime person

But it's actually really subtle, and yet obvios too XD

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I hate crybabies and whiners!
Especially when they have nothing to whine about!!!

I mean, at least if they're subtle about, or sporadic with it -
I mean I whine, but I only do it on my blog, right here :-P

So if you don't care, you don't read.

...hopefully that makes it a little less grating -_-'

But certain people don't have the good manners to do that,
They just push fake problems in your face and expect pity

And even if that's not enough,
They just don't ever f*king shut up!

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So... have decided to follow up my little "what's my type" rant;
with a list of all the things that I find attractive and unattractive.

It's as much for my benefit as it is for yours ;-)

attractive
medium-long hair
musical/artistic talents
love of manga/anime
good taste in music
lack of morbid obesity
open mindedness
sense of humour!!!
actually nice and kind
deep and interesting
genuinely supportive

unattractive
afro hair or short hair
close-mindedness
ugly, baggy jeans
dance music fan/raver
complete sex-pest
smokers/druggies
blatantly loud and camp
mean and plain shallow
really scary friends
porn-watcher <--had to be said

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I could say that I'll forever love you
But that's quite unrealistic - a stupid thing to do
I could say I'll always be faithful to you
But I promised myself that I would never lie to you

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Post-school grumbling

--------------------------------------------------------
Well, I think I passed Art...

I managed to remember all the names, the colours and lines...
And I think I managed to pretty much finish all the questions

Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough.


Here's hoping for a B or a C.

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SKINS tonight :-)

Gonna miss Maxxie (probably said that before) but I'll be okay...

But, there is a new fit guy, so I think I'll be able to cope... :-P

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God, I wish imports weren't so f*king expensive.

I mean, I tried buying an album last night; and it was like £20

And then I worked out it was a single!!
I mean, £20 just for a f*king single!!

So, I've decided I'm sticking to my youtubing...

It's much cheaper.
Much, much, much cheaper...

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I remember when I first saw you baby

You were looking real cool and sexy

You got me wond'ring if you saw me maybe

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So... looking forward to maybe seeing Sutefanii-chan play at the concert.

She didn't say they were, but she didn't say they weren't.
Certainly hope they do, cause I never got to see them last time :-(

Did see the video on their bebo though,
Definitely thought she was pretty good.

The other people were pretty good as well I suppose :-P

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Pre-school grumbling

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Art Prelim today :-(

Can't remember anythign bout the artists we're writing bout
It's like... all completely and utterly a complete and utter blank

I can't even remember their names...

Methinks this might be a bit of a failure

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God I really hate some people.

And it's like, everyone else thinks they're just so lovely y'know?
And I know that they're absolutely evel bastards behind the scenes

But people just don't seem to see the blatantly obvious...

I mean, one bitch sent death threats to me by e-mail, text and post;
and people either don't believe me or think I must've encouraged her

I mean, WTF?!

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God, was watchign GMTV this morning.

They're now telling parents to watch everything their children do on the PC
Just 'cause a very, very small percentage might be doing stuff they shouldn't

I mean, that's a total invasion of privacy.

I believe the word "scapegoat" comes to mind...

People are just pretending they're actually working on this whole paedophile
problem by taking the easy options and labeling as the only options available.


People can be so stupid

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So yeah... spanish!?

Teacher's been shouting at me for no reason.

She switched me between groups, so I missed tonned of work, and now
she's saying that (because I missed the start, but caught the end which
just confused me cause I didn't know what it was about) I should be ahead
of everyone else; and she's complainign that I haven't handed in an essay
that I barely even knew we had started writing yet cause of her switches.

So I just did it on a translator.

Robaato-san 1
Baka Teacher 0

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I
♥
?

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My Crazy Dream (In Script Form)

My Crazy Dream (In Script Form)

I wake up in my room. It's really dark and I go to switch on the light - but can't find it. The lights eventually go on by themselves and the walls are bare. I decide I should probably be going somewhere, so I go to ththrough the door in my room that leads to the hallway.

Instead of being in the hallway, however, I find myself In a giant bathroom - which has been flooded with bubbly water - and I can see Michael in the bath, juggling with some soap.

Me - God, Michael. We can't have sex - you don't have any condoms.
Michael - Don't worry Robert, we can just use this soap.

So... the business starts... but then suddenly Michael turns into glass and shatters into lots of pieces, and of course; I'm totally freaked out. So I run through the door I came in through.

Of course, I'm not back in my room, I find myself in the middle of a big forest, and I encounter Fiona. Who is a tiny little fairy and is flying around me - waving her arms at me emphatically.

Fiona - What are you doing? You shouldn't be here, don't you know it's looking for you?
Robert - What's looking for me?
Fiona - It's looking for you, and if it finds you, it's going to hurt you.
Robert - Well, what should I do then? I'm not quite sure where I'm going... and these doors don't seem to be behaving like proper doors should be.
Fiona - All you needed to do was use the other door and youd've been safe... but it's too late for that now.
Robert - So where should I go? If somethings here shoudn't I go hide?
Fiona - No, no - it's very simple Robert. All you need to do is -

She continues to speak but no sound comes out. Eventually I walk off bored, with Fiona still chasing after me - trying to tell me something. I keep wakign until suddenly I know I'm beign chased, and I turn around to see trees moving, and a shadow. I keep running and tunning until suddenly I'm no longer in a forest, but running through red curtains. I turn around and I can hear some noise, so I open the curtains a little and see a play being performed on the high school stage, with Alison, Iona and Lynsay on stage. There are real trees behind them and they're dressed in Spaceman costumes, and I'm watching from audience point of view.

Iona - Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Alison - That's the wrong play, this is Macbeth.
Lynsay - No, it's the right play... but out Romeo's not here.
Iona - He'd too busy being chased. He'd never remember his lines anyway.
Alison - So who's going to be our Romeo then?
Iona - Not Robert anyway, he's being chased. And if he doesn't remember to *mute* it's going to catch him. And if it catches him it's going to hurt him.

Suddenly the curtains start shuffling, and I realise I'm ebign chased so I start running again. I find a dorr and I keep pulling but it won't open. I pulle and pull, and then just as I get the feelign it's about to catch kme I realize I need to push, and so I throw the door wide open and fall flat on my face in sutherlands chemist. Amy is standing there, and lookign down on my rolling her eyes. She picks me up and then she dusts me off.

Amy - Honestly, you took ages. I've been waiting for hours. Now, Robert, you're being chased -
Robert - Yes, I know, I need someone to help me... but everyoen seems to be unusual unhelpful.
Amy - That's because they're not themselves... but it doesn't matter - you need to help me.
Robert - Are you ebign chased too? We can escape together.
Amy - No, no. Don't be silly. I just need you to help me pick the right makeup, it's a matter of life or death.

So, we look around for makeup and then Amy goes into a conveniently placed changing room. A moment later she come out, looking just like Jessica Alba - but speaking with her own voice.

Amy - What'dyou think?
Robert - No, I don't think it suits you...

So she goes back in and then comes out as Mrs. Gunn. She does a little spin and then asks again.

Amy - What'dyou think?
Robert - Yes! that's it! It's soo you.

So she points to a sign saying "go through this door here", and then rolls her eyes at me. I go through the door and end up at Victoria Beckham's house (don't ask... just don't)

Victoria - Ah, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you.
Robert - Huh? What d'you mean?
Victoria - You stole my dress and I want it back. I know you wish you were me but you've got to get over it Melanie, you're not posh spice... you're sporty spice.

She grabs me and spins me around, taking off my clothes and revealing a green shirt and tracksuit bottoms. She then sits down and takes a carrot, and starts chewing on it like a rabbit.

Victoria - There you go, that's much more realistic. I know you want to be an actor, but you're taking it a bit far these days.

Suddenly a huge shadowy monster jumps on me, and starts clawing my clothes off - revealing what I was wearing in the first place. Blood is going everywhere but I remain unwounded.

Victoria - Err... Melanie... try not to get any blood on the carpet.

The monster suddenly vanished but I remain struggling on the ground for a moment before I realise this. I get up, and look around - discovering Victoria Beckham's no longer there, and then go through a door. I fall forward as I realize there's no floor and I keep falling for quite a while. David Beckham is following me, miming something, but then shouts "I forgot my diet!" And becomes Homer Simpson. He starts falling faster, and I find a door and rush through.

I find myself in the middle of a desert, and I can see someone walking towards me. She gets closer and closer until I can see Michaela, followed closely by a panther - which she pets. I start building a sandcastle, and Michaela starts speaking to me, in a distant voice.

Michaela - I knew I'd find you. I've been looking for you for years now.
Robert - Do you know where my friends are? I think I'm looking for them... but I don't know where they are...
Michaela - Of course not. That's why you're here.
Robert - Wait, are you the one who was chasing me?
Michaela - Yes.
Robert - Michaela?
Michaela - No, I was borrowed. I speak in it's place.

She starts to stroek the panther, which looks at me, and it's eyes glow for a second.

Michaela - Someone has to give it a voice.
Robert - What is it. What are you?
Michaela - I am a primal.
Robert - Why have you been chasing me? Have I been bad?
Michaela - I've come to tell you, that you're going to lose it all. Unless you choose.
Robert - Unless I choose?
Michaela - They'll all abandon you. You're going to die alone unless you make a choice.

I start building a sandcastle, and pretty much ignoring her.

Michaela - So, will you make a choice?
Robert - Yeah. I choose to build a sandcastle. Do you want to live with me?
Michaela - You're asking the wrong questions...
Robert - No. No, I'm not. You can't live with me in my castle.
Michaela - You will not have the kingdom you desire.

Robert - No... probably not.

The sandcastle is now, much bigger, and I open the door (somehow made out of wood)

Robert - But either way, you can't live with me in my castle.

Mock the week

---------------------------------------------------------

God, I love Mock the Week

Got a bit of a crush on Russel Howard to be honest,
there's nothing more sexy than a man with humour

Unless they're a clown of some sort...

But seriously, is it just me, or is he not the sexiest man alive?

--------------------------------------------------------

So... Clingay!?

Seriously, I'm having problems with clingy people right now.

Wait no, scratch that last part actually.
I'm have problems with a clingy person.

It's like... if I want you to be my friend, I'll ask.

And I mean, If I don't ask you to come with me...
Or if I don't invite you to go on a trip with me...

Chances are, I don't actually want you to come with me.

I'm not being mean,
it's just that...


If I don't even know you;
I'm not really going to want to spend all my time with you am I?

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God I miss some people...

I mean, people I really didn't appreciate at the time,
or people who didn't get to know how much I appreciated them

But now it's too late to tell them :-(

--------------------------------------------------------

What do I really look for in a guy?
I actually have no fucking idea...

God asked what my type was at school today,
and I was just like "err.... dunno actually"

Don't think it realy matters though,

I mean - I've never gone out with a guy I actually liked XD
Just sorta gone with whatever was available at the time...

But seriously, I think I need to work it out...
I mean, maybe I need to find someone I share interests with?

That'd certainly be a nice change of pace anyway :-L

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Oh yeah!!!
So I've been thinking... and I've finally decided.

It was the most difficult decision ever!

But I've decided...

THE LINEUP OF MY IMAGINARY BAND!

1. Robaata-san, on vocals
   
2. Rebekka-chan, on the guitar
   
3. Jema-chan, on the drums
4. Mikeira-chan, on the triangle

Well, she needs to have something to do XD

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"Abstract art"

--------------------------------------------------------

My hair's like totally short right now

Hairdresser doesn't seem to understand how to follow instructions

Mind you, I don't totally hate it
It's just way shorter than usual

I mean, it's the shortest my hair has ever been

..my mother had a field day when she saw it

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Ugh, Worisu-sensei is such an ignorant prick...

I mean, he was talking about people wh needed help for the prelims
And then, he came up to me afterwards and started being stupid...

"oh, don't you need a scribe?"
"no..."
"but i thought you were dyslexic"
"err... no"
"oh right, so you just need extended time then I take it?"


Pillock

Least I don't copy my "hard work" off of Wikipedia

--------------------------------------------------------

Apparently 1/2 inch GHDs do exist...

...just £106.00 out of my price range

--------------------------------------------------------

Have worked out a flawless plan for avoiding stick in art

Whenever Mr.Baka (see above re: Worisu-sensei) says it's too manga-y,
I just reply that it's absract art - and that usually tends to shut him up a bit

It's also good when I get hands crappy looking,
they're not "crappy looking", they're "abstract"

Besides, he's just a baka anyway.

He insulted my stuff, and said all this stuff that should've been there;
eyelashes, eyebrows, mouth creases, crows feet, adam's apple etc, etc

and they were all fucking there!

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MWAHAHAHA!!!

I finally completed Final Fantasy 7!!!

It's taken me about... 9 years
(approxamitely ¬_¬;)

But finally, I've done it!!!
Now, just got 8, 9 and 10 to go...

(don't give a toss 'bout 6 - it was crap :-P)

xoxox

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Dysfunctional thryoid ftw!

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So, I might have a "dysfunctional thyroid" <--whatever that means.

I've got all the syptoms of an underactive thyroid,
apart from "unexplained baldness or hair falling out"

But still, I've had my blood tests now;
so I've just got to wait until Friday...

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Yeah...

being a bit of a stalker right now lol.

Looking at the hair of a guy I fancy, sorta wanting to copy it :-P

Gonna take a photo with me to the hairdressers (tommorow)
But the hair I like's too short... and I won't be able to straighten it.

But it's sooo nice.

Stupid, sexy poo-face... ¬_¬'

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Is there such a thing as a 1/2 inch GHD?

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So, yeah...

Gym!!!

Definetly going to be going at some point.

Need to lose a couple of stone,
and really want to tone up a bit

Need to get someone to go and get instigated with me.

...inviligated?
...demonstrated?

Err... I actually have no idea what the word is right now :-L

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Now you say you want me be back
And you made a mistake
Said you needed your space
(Now you got it)

How'd you think I would react
Did you give any thought
Think you'd never get caught
(And did you try to stop it)

My loves what it cost
Look what you lost
I guess you're sorry now

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BHD

--------------------------------------------------------

God, I complain way too much about my hair...
But in my defense, it is pretty crap isn't it?

Urgh, think I'm gonna get it cut soon to be honest
Not super short - just enough so I can see out it

That'd be a pleasant change methinks...

Lol

Keep thinking about dyeing my hair radically,
but something keeps making me decide not to.

Doubt I could pull off a bright colour...
or the streak of blonde I was gonna get.

Bleh!

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Y'know... for such a succesful boyband,
Fahrenheit are really quite fake.

I mean c'mon, seriously ¬_¬

Each member is meant to "represent" a season, and a temperature

And, the temperature supposedly corresponds to their personaly
Oh yeah, I'm sure they have personality checks at the auditions...

Yeah, one's "warm", one's "hot", one's "cool" and the other's "cold"

That's not totally fake at all...

Got to wonder, who pulled the short straw?

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Ooh! Yay!

I actually passed me Spanish test!
Well please about that actually :-)

Really, really didn't expect that to happen lol

Still, we've already got another one to work on

--------------------------------------------------------

Ugh, I really don't like some people

Y'know if you're gonna lie badly don't lie at all
I mean, seriously. Just tell the fucking truth.

And when you know eveyone knows you're lying,
don't keep it fucking up! Just admit you're wrong.

Seriously...

It's just really aggravating...

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Have given up learning the guitar for now (shocker, huh?)

But it's time will come!

Way I see it, there's no threat of me doing what sutefanii-chan did
Not through want of trying mind you ;)

Chances are, I'm doing whatever I do on my lonesome

Which I suppose, has it's ups and downs :P

I make all my decisions for myself... which is a good
But it also means that I have to do all of the work :'(

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Boobs, boobs, boobs

--------------------------------------------------------

Just how do I get myself into these situations?

I mean, seriously?

One minute... I can't get any anywhere...
Then, suddenly, it's all over the place!

Just throwing itself at me!!!


And then... it's a drought again :-/

--------------------------------------------------------

Took a look at the new skins cast today, on E4's site

Not really hat great looking tbh...

I mean there's one cute guy... Effie's pretty hot,
but other than that they all look a little weird tbh


Doesn't mean I won't watch it though ;-)

--------------------------------------------------------

Good grief

To be perfectly honest...

I know what I fucking want!
I just don't know how to get it!!!

--------------------------------------------------------

An Cafe = the coolest band tbh

Visuel Kei is my new love :-P

mind you... I think it's technically my old love actually...
X-Japan's considered Visual Kei isn't it?

Yeah, probably...

--------------------------------------------------------

So... yeah
All I'm getting right now on msn are boobs, boobs, boobs

Not literally getting them

But I'm seeing them and hearing them quite a bit

Poor Emirii-chan :-(

They are nice boobs though in her defence
Seem to be quite a popular topic right now XD

Sure she'll look back on it and laugh


...or sue us all for mental damages or something :-P

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Merrymaking

--------------------------------------------------------

Lol, as far as gimmicks go... this one takes the Biscuit :-P

Fahrenheit's new album, Love you More and More,
will have four tickets for four very lucky purchasers.

Willy Wonka anyone?

The winners of these tickets, are going to win...

1 hour with a member of the boyband! OMG!!!

From an interview I read, one of the band member's feels rather
akward about this whole arrangement, and has stated that the
winner may only kiss his cheek - one of the others, however, has
gone as far as to say that, as long as they are both fully clothed,
the lcuky winner of his ticket can touch him, "wherever they want"

Lol much?

--------------------------------------------------------

So, drama class has been a mixture of boredom and coolness,
for the few people who have actually bothered to come...

*ahem*

Have to say though, still haven't memorised all my words
But I'm 75% there methinks :-D

Been a little bit distracted these past few Dramas,
so I haven't been getting much memorising done :-P

At least I finally managed to get my homework done


Eventually.

--------------------------------------------------------

Spanish on the other hand is... bleh.
Doubt I'm gonna be ready by monday tbh

Took me 5 years to get a 3 in French
Yet they want me to get a 1 or a 2 in less than a year in Spanish :-/


Oh well, I'm sure I'll bluff my way through it.

--------------------------------------------------------

Listening to An Cafe; Merrymaking
Go youtube it, it's ace :-D


They're not the same without Bou though....

--------------------------------------------------------

Stepdad's being a pillock as usual...
But there's no change there is there :-/

"Course tink brute" <--sunset song
That quote sums him up really XD

xoxox

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Happy New Year!

--------------------------------------------------------

Can I hear a "Woohoo"?

First post of the year eh? :-P
Just wish more people would comment instead of just reading :-/

So, anyway - on another topic...

Revision = absolute fucking nails

I keep on slipping up, and making excuses to myself not to do it,
gonna have to really get down and dirty with it soon though...

--------------------------------------------------------

Christmas was absolutely ace for myself I must say,
got lots of ncie presents from almost everyone

Still got some promised presents I'm waiting for...

*subtle hint*

--------------------------------------------------------

Oh yeah! I've finally nailed down my New year's resolutions.
Hope all of you guys have to ;-)

Main Goals

1. Don't ask anyone out, let them ask me
2. Buy a pair of GHD Straighteners
3. Get a job and stop complaining about money

Chances are the top one'll never happen lol
But still. Obsessive hinting doesn't count as asking, right? :-P


Hopefully the single state is only temporary...

--------------------------------------------------------

So, anyway, for those who care; my new blog "Chasing Lights" is up now.

Pretty much named after a bad habit of mine... -_-'

It's pretty much going to be a place for me to store my lyrics,
in the hope of getting some actual comments on them...

So... feel free to read them anyway.

Hopefully, after the exams (prelims...or maybe proper ones) I'll
actually get some work done. I've been trying but to be honest
with all my revision I haven't had time for much of anything, and
It was hard enough already - what with my goddawful skills in
the computer-music-program area. <---they really are quite bad

Maybe I should get some help...

But where?

--------------------------------------------------------

And for those who read my last post, about my hopes of a date...

Evidently I was too subtle...
He still hasn't got a fucking clue!

Oh well, shall just have to wait and see if he catches on :-P


xoxox

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